10 Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs)

Key Takeaways

• Individuals who grew up in alcoholic households (Adult Children of Alcoholics or ACOAs) often display impulsive actions due to the instability of their childhood environments.
• ACOAs frequently withdraw from social interactions as a means of protection, which may result in social anxiety and challenges in building relationships.
• Variability in behavior and emotions seen in ACOAs is connected to the stress and trauma from being raised in dysfunctional families.
• Romantic relationships present distinct obstacles for ACOAs, such as emotional instability and difficulties with trust.
• ACOAs might react excessively to changes, driven by a need for control and predictability.
• ACOAs may harbor a sense of victimization stemming from complex trauma and emotional pain experienced during their upbringing.
• Judgmental attitudes in ACOAs can develop as a defensive response to the unpredictability they faced as children.
• Seeking approval is common among ACOAs, often rooted in their quest for security and stability during their early years.
• ACOAs might engage in unnecessary lying as a learned strategy to avoid conflict or disappointment.
• There is an increased likelihood for ACOAs to develop substance use disorders, influenced by both genetic and environmental factors.

Transitioning into adulthood is inherently complex, and for those raised in environments overshadowed by alcoholism, this journey can be particularly arduous. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) carry unique burdens that shape their thoughts, actions, and relationships well into their adult years. From acting on impulse to struggling with maintaining steady relationships, the effects of an unstable childhood marred by alcohol misuse are both deep and extensive. While this compilation isn’t all-encompassing, these 10 traits are frequently observed in ACOAs. Gaining insight into these characteristics can pave the way for healing and personal growth beyond their challenging beginnings.

1. Impulsivity

Adult children from alcoholic families (ACOAs) often show impulsive behaviors, a result of the erratic and tumultuous environments they endured during their upbringing. This impulsivity can make it difficult for them to make considered decisions and manage their emotions and actions effectively. Observing a parent’s misuse of alcohol can significantly influence ACOAs, leading them to imitate or internalize such behaviors.

This impulsivity can trap ACOAs in a cycle that affects their ability to:

• Establish stable relationships
• Sustain consistent employment
• Handle financial responsibilities

While impulsive behavior is a prevalent trait among ACOAs, it’s important to recognize that with proper therapeutic support, self-awareness, and strong support networks, it can be managed. Identifying this trait is a crucial first step toward seeking assistance and developing strategies for a more organized and intentional life.

2. Tendency to Isolate

The propensity for solitude in ACOAs acts as a defense mechanism against an unpredictable environment. Growing up with a parent struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD) can lead to a chaotic home life, making it difficult to sustain relationships due to the absence of stability and safety.

ACOAs might develop negative thoughts and behaviors from their unstable upbringing. These thoughts can result in behaviors resistant to change, potentially leading to psychological issues. Such maladaptive thinking can diminish an individual’s capacity to engage in resilient behaviors, fostering social anxiety. While isolation initially serves as a coping strategy, it can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and depression if not addressed.

3. Emotional and Behavioral Inconsistency

ACOAs frequently display inconsistent behaviors and emotions. This inconsistency can appear in various ways, including:

• Unpredictable emotional reactions
• Erratic decision-making
• Variable personal relationships

The underlying causes of this inconsistency are complex. Family settings plagued by alcoholism often involve unpredictable and stressful circumstances, undermining a child’s sense of stability and security. Without intervention, this can disrupt the development of steady and healthy emotional responses.

Additionally, ACOAs may be more prone to developing their own substance use issues, exacerbating emotional and behavioral inconsistency. Mental health professionals have noted that traits such as self-doubt, poor judgment, and persistent feelings of inadequacy are common among ACOAs, leading to difficulties in maintaining consistent relationships and emotional states.

4. Difficulties in Romantic Relationships

ACOAs frequently face distinct challenges in their romantic lives, shaped by the emotional turmoil experienced during their childhood. The lingering trauma from growing up in a household with heavy drinking can result in emotional instability. Consequently, ACOAs may respond intensely to relationship stressors, often reverting to coping mechanisms learned in childhood. These responses may include:

• Deep-seated trust issues
• Low self-esteem
• Attachment problems
• Clinginess
• Controlling behaviors
• Fear of commitment

ACOAs might also feel compelled to present a facade of perfection, be overly accommodating, or suppress their own needs to survive. However, these behaviors can lead to feelings of entrapment or inauthenticity in adult relationships. It is crucial for ACOAs to break the pattern of projecting childhood emotions onto current experiences and move beyond a victim mentality to foster healthy relationships. Strategies that can aid in this process include:

• Engaging in therapy to heal past traumas
• Learning about the impact of parental alcoholism on adult relationships
• Defining what a healthy relationship entails
• Recognizing that emotional reactions may not always align with present circumstances

5. Overreacting to Change

ACOAs are particularly sensitive to changes and often respond negatively to new situations beyond their control. Growing up in a family affected by alcoholism creates mixed signals and threats to emotional and physical safety, fostering a child’s need for control and predictability. This makes unexpected changes especially challenging for ACOAs.

Those who struggle with change can benefit from therapy by learning to cope with alterations, build resilience, manage stress, and address underlying trauma. It is essential for ACOAs to seek out safe and consistent environments where they can develop healthy behavior patterns and navigate changes without excessive fear and anxiety.

6. Feeling Like a Victim

Because of their upbringing in an alcoholic household, ACOAs may grapple with a sense of victimhood. This can lead to trauma and emotional distress, negatively impacting their self-esteem and worldview.

The roles taken on within an alcoholic family structure, such as the peacemaker, scapegoat, or caregiver, can perpetuate a lifelong pattern of feeling like a victim. These roles influence how ACOAs perceive themselves and their ability to affect their environment, often leaving them feeling powerless and confined to a victim role.

Understanding the origins of this perceived victimhood and addressing childhood trauma through therapy can help ACOAs foster personal growth and move beyond a victim mindset.

7. Judgmental Attitudes

ACOAs may develop a tendency to judge themselves and others harshly as a result of their upbringing. Exposure to critical attitudes or frequent judgment during childhood can lead to a heightened sense of control and vigilance. These coping mechanisms, while initially protective, can result in overly judgmental behavior in adulthood.

Managing these judgmental tendencies can be achieved through therapeutic approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps ACOAs become aware of their judgmental behaviors and reframe negative thought patterns. Additionally, mindfulness practices can encourage a non-judgmental attitude toward oneself and others.

8. Seeking Approval

ACOAs often have a strong need for approval from others, a behavior rooted in growing up in an unstable household. This need for approval can lead to people-pleasing tendencies as children sought validation to gain security and stability.

ACOAs may also struggle with their sense of self and fear upsetting others or facing criticism. Consequently, they might prioritize others’ approval over their own needs and desires. These behaviors originate from early experiences where they had to navigate an emotionally chaotic environment without the necessary coping tools.

9. Compulsive Lying

ACOAs may sometimes lie unnecessarily, even in situations where honesty wouldn’t result in negative outcomes. This behavior can stem from psychological factors influenced by their upbringing. For example, if telling the truth as children often led to punishment, ACOAs might have learned to protect themselves through deception, a habit that persists into adulthood.

Lying can also be a learned response to create a semblance of normalcy or avoid scrutiny. In unpredictable environments common in alcoholic households, ACOAs might lie to maintain control.

Understanding the reasons behind lying is crucial for ACOAs to overcome this behavior. Deception often serves as an automatic defense mechanism rather than a malicious act. By developing healthier communication patterns and encouraging open, non-judgmental dialogue, ACOAs can reduce the urge to lie unnecessarily.

10. Risk of Substance Use Disorders

ACOAs are at an elevated risk of developing substance use disorders (SUDs). This heightened risk is concerning as alcohol-related issues are prevalent, and addiction can impact subsequent generations. Research indicates that both genetic and environmental factors contribute to the increased susceptibility of ACOAs to SUDs.

For ACOAs, mitigating the risk of SUDs involves:

• Acknowledging the potential for inherited risk
• Seeking early professional assistance
• Building a supportive network

By understanding the intricate interplay between genetics and environment, ACOAs can take proactive measures to prevent SUDs and promote healthier, substance-free lives.

Moving Forward

Recognizing these traits is essential for ACOAs to embark on a path of healing and personal development. With the right support and strategies, individuals can overcome the challenges posed by their upbringing and build fulfilling, stable lives.

If you or a loved one is struggling with alcoholism, The Recovery Village Salem is here to support you. Our wide range of treatment programs is tailored to facilitate your recovery and enhance your overall well-being. Contact us today to take the first step toward a healthier, addiction-free life.